I realized what I was saying and what it meant. I struggled for days deciding whether or not to say it.

To speak the things I see in you and to know that I have the power is crushing and terrifying. It is odd, this feeling, at once submissive and then at the helm. I can mold and shape this life as if it were a pile of brush, breaking and bending the twigs until they take the form I wish. I've been shaping your life, too - not maliciously but somehow selfishly. Ignorance of our own heavy handedness does not preclude the crime to be committed. And I have wronged you, my friend.

Our trajectories in tandem, we seemed to be reaching for the same carrot, dangling in our faces. All of this time I assumed that an unseen force, an intelligence beyond measure, held the rod that dangled the root, teasing us forward toward our mutual goal. It appeared right, just and perfect that we ran in stride, sharing our visions for our lives.

Now I see, it was me. I held the rod, I tantalized with the bait and I've wasted your time. Precious time, draining from our bodies as each second we come closer to the ultimate decay. Stand up, my dearest one - we'll sleep deeply when the final night arrives. Until then, I want to see you in your glory, unfettered by your love for me.

This is not martyrdom. I seek no praise nor gratitude. I want you to have what you want. I want to free you if freedom is what you seek.

And what of me? Partly, I fear I might disappear without my experiment in control. I have no idea what I'll do next once you've left to grab what you desire with lightning hot fists. There is no need to say that I will love you, completely, passionately, devotedly even after you're gone; you already know this. I am sure I will find some way to love the void, too.

Dance, my heart's occupant - sing and live fully. I will not forget you.