Sample Bio

Church of the Awkward Silence!

Take a crack at a witty start leading into a subtle, flirtatious hook. Insert a perfectly timed pause - then - surprise with an obtuse reference: Duck Soup!

Invite inquiries; make lack of desperation clear. Sanely communicate an appropriate level of curiosity while being respectful. Interject light personal information and continue with an overall tone of accessibility; pepper with a thoughtful dash of bad-boy aloofness. Throw in a nerdy enticement.

Display appropriate ethics - don't get too heavy. Reveal a big heart with attractive vulnerability free of victimhood. Imbue healthy self-love in discourse by eliminating egotism; eschew any pretension. Keep it humble; let others praise you, if inclined, but let it bounce off in the same manner as criticism.




Reread the previous sentence - roll eyes, groan, select and delete. Leave blank lines in text to visually suggest something has been deleted. Revel in a moment of self-celebration followed by self-doubt. Start over.

Follow-up attempts at profundity with biting sarcasm to keep it real. Chew nervously on pen. Become aware of chewing on pen noting potential for damage to teeth. Spit out pen with decisiveness.

Perhaps discuss liberal political views but don't get too extreme. Proceed with something pithy utilizing intermediate grammar without appearing pompous. Be excessive but in control. Stay cool without sounding as if you're trying to stay cool.

Continue with a short dissertation designed to set oneself apart from the herd. Compliment others while keeping attention and interest focused on unnamed possibilities. Be cryptic enough to create an aura of mystery while offering tidbits of specificity to showcase the unique. Describe fringe interests with an unapologetic air. To keep self amused, undercut it all with an annoying soundtrack, when available.

Resist urge to explain photos to maintain detachment. Include one or two catchy self-deprecating comments but make high self-esteem apparent. Seek to compose copy that may entertain partner, should he or she discover your online persona.

Summarize basic turn-ons but don't pigeonhole. Make boundaries clear without being too rigid. Edit any obvious innuendo or self-conscious adjectives. Suddenly state something disarming then restore balance quickly with a well-grounded finish.

Don't overstay welcome. Thank readers for their time. Sign off sweetly with a marginally confusing profile handle.

Sweetly,
Lord Hopton